I know! I was kind of surprised to, but it turns out there has been a case where a woman has asked for a divorce because her husband snored so much, she’d had enough. Of even greater interest about this case, is that is happened in 1951. It just sounds like something a flighty, 21st century woman might do – not a dedicated and sensible wife of the ’50s.
While I don’t know many details about the case, it was referenced in an very interesting article – What science has to say about who you sleep with and how, published on the Daily O, an Indian website. The author, Damayanti Datta, tells us that “snoring is one of the top causes of divorce across the world, following financial problems and infidelity”.
Now while I an inclined to nod my head in agreement with the idea that a snoring spouse can place such a strain on a relationship, I would have liked a study or some stats to back up the statement.
What I do like about the article though is that Datta steps right out there and names the truth – men snore more than women. This is fact. It’s proven scientifically and anecdotally. It doesn’t mean women don’t snore – we just do it less. Datta also touches on the fact that women have, for years, been trying to find cures to reduce and stop their husbands/partners snoring – to little effect.
I’m not a man basher or hater, and will defend that assertion with vigour. But I do know that men snore more than women, and that years of sleep deprivation caused by a snoring husband/boyfriend can push a tired lady to the edge.
(And yes – feel free to swap all gender references if that’s your situation.)
So when you are massively tired, worn down by broken and reduced sleep, trying to manage your life (and possibly children and/or a job), and craving a good night’s sleep so you can get your thoughts together and cope – how are you supposed to respond to a partner lying next to your snoring away – blissfully asleep themselves, and unaware of the havoc they are wreaking on you?
‘Sucking it up’, ‘getting on with it’, ‘getting over it’, ‘dealing with it’, ‘not being so precious’ and ‘acting like a real wife/partner’ are common solutions offered by habitual snorers (this comes from experience and a number of interviews I’ve conducted) to those delicate and annoying partners who dare raise the issue of disturbed sleep.
Just writing those ‘solutions’ gets my blood pumping a little faster. With annoyance. Not exhilaration that there’s a solution I hadn’t thought of.
I get that if you’ve tried requests, pleading, begging, potions, lotions, tennis balls, whistling, thumping and prodding – you might get to the point where you think ‘there’s one thing left…… ESCAPE’. And you might be so mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted from months or years of sleep deprivation that you haven’t managed the other challenges of your relationship well enough, that divorce seems like the only option left.
I get it.
I doubt that any person goes immediately from ‘you’re snoring’ to ‘I want a divorce’ in one step.
I would wager there are hundreds of steps along the way – arguments not ended well, discussions not managed sensitively, concession of important needs due to exhaustion then feelings of resentment, anger at not being heard, anger at not being considered, more resentment for feeling dismissed. That’s when the divorce thoughts arrive.
This is why I can’t understand why couples don’t consider sleeping separately more often. I seriously struggle to understand why a couple hop into a bed together every night knowing that the sleep is going to be bad and the relationship’s going to be just a little more damaged in the morning.
So I have some new hashtags to consider:
#snoring #separateroom #nottheendoftherelationship #greatsleep #rested #readytofacetheworld #loveyou