Motivation drives human behaviour.
Reasons give us the basis of our actions and decisions.
Nothing new there.
So let me jump straight to the point – why sleep separately? A basic question you might think, given the nature of my site, book and maturity of my conversations about the topic.
But WHY is a constant and recurring theme in conversations I have with people when the book or topic arises. Just recently a work colleague stumbled across my book while searching the web. I must admit that I wasn’t completely convinced he found me by searching ‘Brisbane authors’ – my cynicism piqued by how swiftly he wanted to delve into the topic of separate sleeping, and how honed his questions were once we started the discussion.
The chat was held next to two other colleagues, so a four-way investigation into the topic took place. Common themes emerged.
WHY would a couple head to separate rooms and how can you make it work? And WHY would you even have to consider sleeping separately from your partner?
(After years of discussion, I can pick a person thinking of sleeping separately at 10 paces. And I love helping people work through their thoughts and concerns about how it might be a decision that works for them)
I’ve written before about making sure the core reason you want to sleep separately from your partner is you are choosing to make sleep a priority and not trying to escape them. But a feature of this particular conversation was about the different behaviours that might send couples to privately slumber.
So if you’ve ever pondered the list of what makes couples sit down for a serious chat about getting their ‘8 hours’ alone, consider the list below. It was compiled while writing the book and I must admit, I haven’t been able to add to it yet, but will take any suggestions that readers might have.
- Movement by partner
- Sleeping with kids
- Sleeping with pets
- Loud breathing
- Differing temperature needs
- Getting up in the night to go to the toilet, get a drink, have a wander….
- Reading in bed – lights on, noise of pages turning
- Using computer, phone or other device in bed
- Eating in bed
- Watching TV in bed
- Level of sound in the room
- Level of light in the room
- How you are woken – device for waking and the level of noise
- The size of the bed
- The firmness of the bed
- Who gets to sleep on which side of the bed
- Sheet textures
- Amount and size of pillows
- Differing sleep positions
- To cuddle or not to cuddle
- Teeth grinding
- Waking from dreams and nightmares
- Going to bed angry
- Sleep walking
- Sleep talking
- Illness – temporary or long term
- Sleeping in the nude
- Sleeping in the wet spot
Are there more I have missed?
I feel certain that I’ve covered the 32 reasons WHY couples might need to find a bed or other comfy spot at night, to escape the deliciously human things we might do to unintentionally (or otherwise!) keep our partner from slumber’s reach.
Why, oh why is sharing a bed sometimes just so darn hard?