It's all about compatibilty
When you start a romantic relationship, you tend to focus on the things you have in common?
- You both like football... or soccer... or rugby
- Thai curry is your favourite take away food
- 80s disco is the only thing that gets you up on the dance floor
- A lazy breakfast out on the weekend is must
- Running at least two hours per week is non-negotiable!
These are the foundations of any relationship. We like the same things and we enjoy doing those things with another person. The same 'rules' apply to family, friend, and romantic relationships... except when it comes to sharing a bed.
Talking about bed and bedroom etiquette and behaviour is not a common topic of conversation. Questions such as...
'What time do you like to go to bed most nights?',
'Do you like a bedroom to be cool or warm at night?'
'How much light do like having in the bedroom - curtains closed or open?',
or the big one... 'Do you snore?'
are not really found very often in the conversations of a couple falling in love. But they should be! Because this is the sort of information that's going to be REALLY important if you live together and start sharing a bed.
Once you do start sharing a room and sharing a small square of foam and innersprings every night, you might find that some of these behaviours start to interfere with your ability to get a good night's sleep.
- Snoring (the number one reason cited for a partner's sleep disturbance)
- Loud breathing
- Using a device in bed (the light and noise can be disruptive) or watching TV in the bedroom
- Sound and temperature management of the bedroom - windows open or closed, blinds up or down?
- Movement - during sleep and when someone gets up and down during the night (snacks or going to the toilet)
- Eating in bed
And there are many more.
There are couples who just make sleeping together look easy - and good on them. But for so many of us, we have to choose between sharing a bed with the person we love or having interrupted sleep most, or every night.
So just like you may not share your partner's love of super spicey curries - so you have a mild one - you may not share their love of an airconditioned bedroom every night, so cold that you sleep with the covers over your head so you can feel your nose in the morning.
And then we have to manage the changes in our bodies and habits as we age. Most of us eventually start snoring - it's a sad fact of life. But when your partner's snoring is loud enough to wake other household members up, you know something has to give.
Anyone who denies themselves a good night of restorative sleep is not taking care of their health. (There are so many websites you can research to find out about just how important sleep it.) If you take care of yourself by eating well and exercising, you need to add 'getting a good night's sleep' into your routine.
To learn more about how important sleep is and the full list of the types of incompatibilities that couples face, why not buy a copy of the book? There's pages of practical advice to help you navigate and negotiate a great outcome with your partner.
You can 'sleep apart and not fall apart' - you just have to learn how.