Can sleeping separately ‘save your marriage’?????

Well…… maybe.

It really depends which parts need saving to be honest.

I would never suggest that separate sleeping is a cure all to relationship issues (for those married or otherwise), but it certainly can save your sanity if your partner disrupts your sleep and you are suffering as a result. And following that thought logically, if your sanity is saved because you are getting all the sleep you need to keep you healthy, then that could have some pretty darned good flow on effects to supporting a healthy relationship.

(Was I too hasty to dismiss the claim?)

An interesting story ran on the American ABC channel about a couple who have chosen the path of separate sleeping. What I found particularly interesting (because sleeping separately is just a sensible decision) was the line in the title that said their choice ‘protected each other’s solitude’.

Having been on the end of quite a few accusations of selfishness due to my solo sleeping choice, I liked the view of this couple. They talk about being thoughtful towards each other and respectful in that they can both pursue ‘bedly’ activities THEY EACH enjoy, but that annoyed the other when they shared.

They feel that they are GIVING, not taking in allowing the other to have their own room and own personal space.

I agree Arianne and Nate – the decision to sleep separately does have many giving elements to it.

You are giving each other the gifts of health, choice, respect, care, understanding, honesty, space, self-determination…… and most importantly sleep.

I’m still not prepared to put myself out there and say that separate sleeping will save your marriage (a tad hyperbolic for my rational mind), but you just never know……. it might be the decision that allows you to rest well and face any other issues that are challenging the relationship.

Check out Arianne and Nate’s story below.

2 thoughts on “Can sleeping separately ‘save your marriage’?????”

  1. Pingback: A space to call your own… | Sleeping Apart Not Falling Apart

  2. I have been married for 12 years now. I married late in life when I was 38. I had always been use to sleeping by myself….now I am still sleeping separate from my husband but it has put a strain on our relationship because before he was married to a woman who slept with him every night until they divorced. I on the other hand need my sleep and between the snoring that could peel the wallpaper of the wall, the endless trips to get a drink or go to the bathroom, and the restless legs I can’t sleep!!!! I hate to say the D word, but my husband is not accepting of our sleeping arrangements even though we make sure there is time for intimacy in our relationship. I don’t want to divorce, but I can’t continue to walk on egg shells and stress every time the topic of sleeping together comes up. He gets down right mean about it telling me I am not normal and that I have affected how he feels about himself as a man. Don’t get me wrong, I have told him that it isn’t him, that I am a light sleeper and that he snores. I have tried everything from ear plugs to buying him breath right strips (which he refuses to wear). I am at a loss of what to do. I know I am hurting his feeling, but I am now 50 and feel that being sleep deprived will affect my overall health. It has come to the point now where he won’t even do things around the house and uses the fact that I don’t sleep with him as a crutch not to have to do anything at all!!!! Like he deserves to be lazy because he sacrifices not sleeping with me. It has gotten to the point now that even watching TV and seeing a couple sleep together leads to an argument. I guess I am just venting…I am told by my husband that we are probably the only couple on the face of the earth that sleeps separate, but I know that isn’t the case, but because it isn’t the norm, I am a terrible wife…

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