The Space Between

Famed architect Frank Lloyd Wright noted that “the space within becomes the reality of the building”. I think it’s the same with relationships. Togetherness – likes walls, floors, ceilings and frames – identifies your ‘coupleness’, but it’s space that gives form and function, and reality.

I have written before on the positive effects space can have on a relationship. As with all things ‘relationship’, I am a staunch advocate for the ‘one size DOES NOT fit all’ approach to relationship management. And I know there are couples who could not imagine living a separate life from their partner – in any way, shape or form. They are probably the ones that die 30mins apart – even when the second to die wasn’t ill.

old couple

I certainly enjoy the various ways I find space from my husband. Our sleeping arrangements are obvious, but there are many other aspects to our lives in which we find space from one another to be who we are as individuals. And then we come back together – and often share what happened in the space we inhabited without each other. Personally, it helps me retain a definition of who I am, and keep enough independence to having a feeling of control. In conversations about this, Fraser (my husband) feels the same. He likes the parts of his life he does alone as much as he likes the bits he shares with me.

Following the release How to Seduce Your Wife (Or Anyone Else’s) a UK study of 2000 couples, sought to discover the secrets to a happy marriage. Not having read the book, the explanation of its purpose sounds interesting. How does a couple keep their relationship ‘alive’?

It’s an eternally sought answer.

The study reported the top 50 Secrets to a Happy Marriage. (And I would throw in to the mix any committed, intimate relationship.)

50 secrets

20% of the top 50 suggestions involve some type of separation. Ranging from having activities/interests that don’t involve your partner, through to having a secret stash of money.

The point is though, 20% of being together should involve being apart.

To me – it makes perfect sense. We need to be separate to know who we are when we are in a couple. Any couple actually. Any successful relationship relies on individuals knowing who THEY are so they know who they are WITH OTHERS.

You need your SPACE to become your REALITY.


How could the man who designed this be wrong?

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