Sex and sleep is in the media again. But not in a way that I am happy about.
The Daily Mail in the UK has reported a survey undertaken by Ergoflex memory foam mattresses reports that….
(I cannot help but wonder if Ergoflex is trying to encourage potential customers to buy more double, queen and king mattresses. Or am I just cynical?)
In my last post (and in several others) and in my book, I talk extensively about how couples CHOOSE to let their sex life fade away if they are in separate rooms – IT’S NOT INEVITABLE, IT’S OPTIONAL.
As a case in point, I offer a great clip from the movie ‘Date Night’ that I would suggest may be quite a common occurrence in many a shared bedroom across the world.
(You may need to turn up the sound and the quality of the clip is average – but it’s quite entertaining and may resonate with a lot of people)
To sum up.
Same bed DOES NOT equal great sex life
Separate beds/room DOES NOT equal bad sex life
If only it were that simple. But that’s a whole other book.
My partner is 57 and I am 48. We sleep in separate beds as he likes to watch tv to fall asleep and this is important to him as he has sleep problems. I can’t sleep with the tv on. Therefore I sleep in another room. It has not affected our sex life until recently where I find that I have to make more of an effort whereas before it happened very naturally. It may be more as he is suffering from an illness than the separate beds “thing”. But indeed it as been a hot topic of conversation between the two of us. I love a good nights sleep probably better than a good shag….so I think it can work but one then has to work at initiating sex more which sometimes happens more naturally when sleeping in the same bed…you know..morning glory and all that. But is that extra work on your sex life worth the better sleep. Ultimately, I would have to say yes. However I have noticed that when other issues arise in the relationship, it makes stone walling my partner easier and therefore one can slip into dangerous ground in a relationship a bit more easily ( I think) . We cuddle quite a lot and spend time watching tv together on the same bed…and make love…on the same bed – but sleep in separate beds. In fact, of all the relationships I have had – and I have had a few, not wanting o sound like a slag or anything – I have had MORE sex in this relationship of three years in separate beds than any other, where we were in the same bed. And do you know I jut worked that out whilst tapping away on this iPad. I had never actually thought of that before…so why I have tortured myself over the separate bed thing is a bit stupid really. Of late we have not been “intimate” as much but there have been other issues which have been a problem in the relationship and my partner’s health is compromised at the moment.
I once read that Posh Spice and David Beckam slept in separate beds. That filled me with hope.! They have had sex at least four times with four kids …and seem to be a very sexed up loving couple. In the interview she said it in a very matter of fact way..she said..” We have different schedules”. Good reason…is it not?
So…who else that is cool and sexy does that. I am betting more than we think. But why are people not honest about it. I have had such odd reactions to me saying it to friends..I just don’t anymore. That is why it so great to talk about it here.
More research…more honesty….more interviews…are much needed…I can’t wait.
If sleep is so important to the brain and we have a lot of stress in this overachieving society, surely a good nights sleep in a separate bed -when the option is insomnia- is a good thing. I like to think we are a cool and sexy couple. I can say that because you don’t know me..otherwise t would sound like I am ‘up myself’…but I don’t feel so cool about the separate bed..but i am still going to do it..and one day it might be the in thing…so I won’t feel so guilty
. I am 2 years away from 50 with pretty much no wrinkles…maybe it’s the sleep! X
Jennifer Adams says
Thanks so much for the comment. One of the lofty aims of my book is to encourage separate sleepers to tell their success stories so the stigma of the choice can be diminished – even if it’s little bit, by little bit. Sharing what you have helps to normalise the behaviour and show that it’s not what bed you sleep in every night, it’s what happens for the rest of the times in the relationship that is just as important. I appreciated your noting that sometimes it’s not the sleeping location that impacts on sex life, but other factors in a couple’s life. I would feel very confident in guessing there are MANY couples who share a bed every night and don’t have a great sex life – it’s an activity that is impacted by so many factors.
Once again, thanks for visiting and thanks for sharing.