In an interview just after my book’s release in Canada, a journalist from The Globe and Mail in Toronto recently asked me a fantastic question. On reflection, I was surprise that no-one had actually asked me this question before. And the question was…..
“What would be my No 1 piece of advice for a person who was thinking about or wanting to sleep separately from their partner?”
I had to think for a while – but not too long. My answer.
Make sure you know WHY you want to sleep separately from your partner.
As simple as this may sound, there can be a unseen mess of emotional baggage behind some people’s decision to head to separate sleeping quarters. And this is problematic, because if you aren’t making the decision for the right reasons, then there’s a whole world of trouble ahead.
In my opinion, the #1 relationship killer of a reason for sleeping separately is that you are trying to escape your partner. Not because of their snoring, or bed tumbling, but because you don’t like them anymore – for whatever reason, and whatever degree of dislike that might be. If you don’t want to share a bed at night because of underlying relationship issues, you might find it difficult to work at keeping the intimacy needed to support heading to separate spaces each night – or even some nights.
My book provides a depth of advice about how to honestly explore the WHY of separate sleeping. And it’s really important if you want to get a good night’s sleep and are serious about keeping your relationship alive.
The common reason given by couples who successfully sleep separately is that they need the separation because THEY JUST HAVE TO SLEEP. There is no other reason. There is no hidden reason. No subterfuge – just the quest for a good night’s rest.
I’ve never made any secret of the fact that if I could, I would sleep with my husband. Snuggling, and sharing the intimacy and trust of that small space each nice is a wonderful experience. But when doing so jeopardises my health…… there’s no contest. When doing so jeopardises the health of both of us…. it’s a no-brainer.
There are just SO many other ways that couples can show, create, enjoy and maintain intimacy that when sleeping separately seems like the only logical option for both of you – you know you’ve made a good decision.
A good decision for YOU.
So that’s my one piece of advice. It was the best advice for me. I can recommend it to you.
But the reality is… you have to work out yourself if it’s going to be your best advice.
[…] written before about making sure the core reason you want to sleep separately from your partner is you are choosing to make sleep a priority and not trying to escape them. But a feature of this […]