I have just had an article published on the wonderful Mamamia website.
This is the second article I have had published about sleeping separately. Like most articles published on the web, the most interesting reading is in the comments. We all post our thoughts and words to see how they resonate with our readers – that’s when any writing comes to life.
This article had a similar response to my first one, except for a couple of people who questioned the need for the book at all.
One person commented:
I don’t think it’s necessary to write an entire book on couples who sleep in separate rooms. One post was more in line with the significance of this issue. Most people don’t care about the sleeping habits of others.
Another reader responded:
Erin- I thought exactly the same thing when I read she was writing a book on it! I thought “Is there really a whole books worth of information on whether you share a bed or not? How do you drag out the information beyond 2 pages?”. While it is an interesting article- I agree with Erin- Who cares?
This is not the first time people have questioned the need for a WHOLE BOOK about couples sleeping separately. Three people have looked me in the face and said “Jenny, how on earth could you write a WHOLE BOOK about this? You either sleep with your partner or you don’t”.
For some people, where they sleep at night (in relation to their partner) is a very simple and obvious decision – especially if their partner interferes with their ability to sleep. In fact, I have written previously about this.
However, for some people it’s not a “no-brainer”. These are people who have issues of intimacy, cultural expectations, messages given as they were growing up, in-grained definitions of what a successful marriage looks like, self-esteem problems and a myriad of other inbuilt thoughts and learned behaviours that don’t easily match with sleeping in a separate bed to their partner. I feel most sympathy with those who don’t have an issue with the practice, but have a partner who does (I’ve been there).
I go to great lengths in my book to point out that everyone is different. So for the people who question the need for a WHOLE BOOK about something that is so simple – I say “well done”. You sound well-adjusted and in a solid relationship with a like-minded person who can cope with this decision. Feel fortunate.
But not everyone has the luxury of what you have. And that is why there is a WHOLE BOOK about why you might need to sleep separately and how to do it.
I know the book is not for everyone. It’s not meant to be. I just hope it helps the tired people work out how to get some sleep.