A space to call your own…

“I need my space!”

Such is the lament of an embattled soul trying to articulate a basic, but most common need every human harbors and longs for at some point (or many points).

When we sign up for an intimate relationship, the issue of each person’s space can become quite complex. Physical and emotional space is a basic human need. And often, it’s not something that’s openly spoken about when a relationship begins – mainly because you’re generally not seeking alone time then.

The need for space is also so very personal. Think about your friends who hibernate for weeks and never answer their phones and then there are the friends who break into a sweat at the mention of being alone. We all have them both, and many on the spectrum in between.

And where are you on the spectrum? How often do you seek and claim SPACE? Do you know what SPACE looks like for you? Does your partner?

My eye was caught this week by an article on the Daily Mail website in the UK. We are all familiar with the ‘man cave’ concept. Well this story was about women who have made their own ‘women caves’ – and the article did bring a smile to my face. Women who were bold enough to obviously articulate, then actually follow through on designing and claiming some space for themselves.

I say bold, because women, as nurturers, tend to not openly talk about their need for space. We’re meant to always be there for everyone in our lives and not be so selfish as to want time to ourselves.

I do so approve of what these gals have done.

women caves

Of course, what made me smile was the fact that this issue of defining, articulating and taking the necessary steps to achieve your own personal space is often at the core of the motivation behind a couple wanting to sleep separately.

Often, a reason sited for wanting a separate room is to do with not only HAVING your own space, but making that space yours by the way you decorate and manage it. Some couples find challenges in how the bedroom should look, what temperature it should be, how much light and noise should be allowed, what appliances should be allowed to be used…… I could continue – but I’m sure you get the gist.

My post back in early February about American couple Arianne and Nate touched on the subject of a couple who wanted to decorate their rooms differently (it does tend to be the woman, I must admit) and use their bedrooms to indulge in some personal activities. The decision didn’t seem to be causing either of them too much consternation – in fact, I would suggest they seemed quite at ease with the decision and still quite happy.

In reality, there’s a book to be written about couples and space. (I often ponder if it’s my next one – I already have a title) It’s hard to define and sometimes hard to fit the space in between the long-held expectations of what a couples look like and is supposed to do.

Do you have a space to call your own?

I do. And I love it. But that’s just me.

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